Happy 30th Birthday to me! 🥳

Except, is it happy? I was definitely hoping for it to be happier than this.

Life has been a rollercoaster and a nightmare lately. Even though some good things have happened too.

But originally, Lukas and I had planned to thru-hike Armenia along the Transcaucasian Trail from the middle of May to the end of June. Then, Lukas hurt his leg and when there was little improvement a few weeks later, and we were soon supposed to leave, we realised that we had to cancel the hike. But by this time, so many issues had come up with our relationship anyway, so we also realised that even if he magically healed, we wouldn't go.

And then things just gradually got downhill, until it ended in Lukas wanting divorce. It is something I never anticipated and never thought would happen, especially not coming out of nowhere - as it felt for me. So now my birthday plans were up in the air. I saw the TCT hike as a birthday present for myself. I've never been good at celebrating, but this was my way of celebrating, and something I finally did for myself! Usually I just try to avoid my birthday, but now I wouldn't need to. But then everything changed, and everything was cancelled.

Very early on, I found out that my friend Ida, who now lives in the Netherlands, wasn't busy the first weekend of June. So I planned to go see her. I then planned to make the journey to her into a train trip, so I could visit friends along the way. Which I did (I hope to make another blog post from this trip).

But the plan was always to be back so I could join my friend Peter Bergström's hike through Sweden for a little while! One idea I had was to join him on my birthday or earlier, so I could still celebrate while hiking.

But when I was on my way back from the Netherlands, there were some possibilities that opened up, that I hoped would happen, but unfortunately, they ended up being cancelled too.

So now what?

With many friends and family members being busy, it's hard to come up with something to do. It is also too late to do something for myself - like going to a fun event or getting a massage, as most places are already fully booked (especially if you like spa massages like I do).

Maybe you could argue that the train trip was my birthday present, or visiting Erika in Lidköping and going to Rörstrands 300 year anniversary celebration yesterday! Or, one could argue that the small fika I will have with a family members today could be my birthday present - at least I will get to go to my favourite ice cream place (and those who knows me knows just how much I love ice cream!). But having a fika with family is also what I always do for my birthday.

In the evening I will go by train and bus to Sälen to meet up with Peter and join his hike for a little while, but we won't be hiking on my birthday (Sunday) either, just meet up in the evening. The hike itself will start the next day.

Well. Either way, it's another birthday for me! Now 30 years old with a life upside down and adulthood on my own in a way I never wished I would have.

Well.

Happy birthday to me.