Leaving Grövelsjön
I think that for every place that we ever go, we leave a little piece of our heart behind.
This summer when I was going back to Grövelsjön it felt easier than ever before. Maybe because this time it was the only home I had.
Really, the only home I had.
I was so happy that I was going there. I was looking forward to the mountains. The people. A job that I liked. And from the first day back I immediately felt at home. More than any other year.
But there were still troubled times. Especially in the beginning. There was so much sorrow and so much confusion. So much hatred.
And a huge sense that life wasn't fair.
And that feeling didn't exactly get quieter. No. Actually the first few weeks it got worse.
Because I found out that my ex-husband had really moved on now. Just a little more than a month after the divorce he was already with someone else. And that hurt so much.
It's hard not to feel like everything you went through during all the years together was all just a lie, and that it meant nothing. Because how could it mean anything if it's so easy to move on?
And that's a feeling that would be stuck with me for the rest of my stay there. But the feeling changed with time.
And there were waves. Of Sorrow. And bitterness. And with anger.
It never went away. I still thought about it every day. Just more or less.
There was also the issue with the car. And that issue also didn't go away. And In the middle of my stay in Grövelsjön it reached its peak! The new engine might already be destroyed. And the car is still up there. Not working.
I spent half of my savings on that car. For nothing.
I actually had a more functioning car before I spent half of my savings than afterwards. How crazy is that?
But I survived the summer.
And I also had an amazing time. In many ways, it was probably the best season in Grövelsjön to date.
So many friends. So much happiness. And also, I started my Mountain leader education (Fjälledarutbildning).
And it was so much fun.
All of the doubts I had about myself beforehand. Most of it was unnecessary. I'm still not finished with my education though. Hopefully next summer. But I started, and that was my goal, and I came a lot further than I had planned.
The last two weeks in Grövelsjön I was so stressed out. I wanted to do everything. Like all the other times I've been there. But this time it was different. This time it felt more final.
And it was final.
All the new friends I made - will I see them again? Who knows? Since Grövelsjön Fjällstation won't have any seasonal workers for over a year. Who will be back over a year later?
And if I don't meet them there, like I always do, will I meet them at all?
The final weeks, I just wanted to do everything. Do all the hikes. Spend all the time with my friends. But I also had visitors. And I also had to pack. I didn't feel ready to leave. But I had to. My time there was over.
When I left and said goodbye to everyone, it felt hard to breathe. I was so sad. I want to come back. But you never know what the future holds. Even when you think you do - you really don't.
But maybe, maybe I will see you all again? At some point. Sometime.
I hope I will.
I miss you.
